Protect your kids from their narcissistic parent

This is such an important message. Watching your kids go through this is heartbreaking. 🙏

There is nothing worse than seeing the confusion and disillusionment in your kids’ eyes and not be able to tell them how to handle it or why they experience that with their parent. If you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t; you might as well tell the truth while not telling all.

My daughter realized it on her own, and as she ages, the conversation opens up a little more. I stayed neutral to support her while making sure to be a witness and validate her feelings and uphold her reality. Therapy has been key, and we were able to discuss the behaviors and how to set boundaries. She does not want a relationship with her other parent because they do not respect/uphold her boundaries. She understands that you can love someone, but that doesn't mean having a relationship is healthy for you. Her brother wanted to avoid it altogether and isn't ready to work through those feelings at this stage. Everyone reacts differently, and my heart goes out to all who are experiencing this. ❤

"To harm a child's other parent is also harming the child." - Dr. R. Durvasula

Narcissist: Knock, knock...
Surviver: Who's there?
Narcissist: IT DOESN'T MATTER, OPEN THE DOOR NOW!

Never in my life would I ever think my relationship would be destroyed by someone who said they loved me

My daughter brought it to my attention when she was 13 that she thought her Dad is a narcissistic person. I had no idea there was a name for it. I began researching, and he met most of the descriptions of what a narcissist is. She's almost 20 now and she sees through his actions.

i cannot back down on this one, when they were over age 10 and were belittled irrationally, i had to tell them, its not you, its him. once they got that they oomartmentalized it and could hold their heads up. i am so glad i didnt wait til they were adults. they need to just know, its not them. its not them. its not them. you want us to know its not us, they need to know everything they do is not wrong, they can never be perfect enough.they are adults now, and i do not regret it.

I don’t want my children to KNOW their dad is a narc. I want them to KNOW that nothing is their fault.

Dr, Ramani, I want to thank you so much for making this information available. I felt like as her father, I had to tell my daughter, so she wouldn't be trapped in the same cycle which swallowed her mother and her Grandmother, it is an intentional mind game with her, to envelope her within the same junk. I felt I had to prepare her the best I could do she could see it, but you've cleared that up for me. I really appreciate this

This is why I am on the "get out and stay out" as soon as you can team. Anyone who succeeds at co-parenting with a narcissist just got lucky. It is another no-win game, no matter how smart, protective and careful you are. Use birth control! Don't have their babies! Get out and stay out as soon as possible!

I want to carefully object Dr. Ramani. It was CRUSHIAL, that my one parent told me, that my other parent behaviorally was far away from what she appreciated of. She told that me that feeling hurt by his actions and by his words was valid. She told me that he was behaving irrationally. BUT: She never overexplained or diagnosed. She told me that he loved me nomatterwhat and just couldn‘t behave any better. That was saving my sanity and securing my mental health.

Brilliant topic. Thank you. Ultimately, we as parents need to love ourselves enough not to bad mouth any other person let alone the father of our children. I have been in a situation long ago when I craved that my children would see the truth about their father and how he so badly treated me. I now know that it doesn’t matter what they know. What matters is that I love them, that they know that and that they are safe and what they feel and how I support them and myself without using them at all is the only way to go. Xx

I am a grandmother who was there for my grandkids. Their dad is on the narcissism spectrum and went further up when stress came. I entered the protective role when it became violent. I didn't have to say much. They knew what it was about. I validated what they saw and experienced. They called him an alcoholic. I mentioned narcissism as they grew older. Now, five years later, I don't see them at all. What happened shouldn't have happened. I know that now, at 5 years ago, I didn't know a thing about narcissism. Now I do, and it helps me process what happened. It was narcissism, alcoholism, and my own personality and background. There were/are flying monkies. Did I hurt my grandkids by saying their dad was a narcissist? Maybe, but in their lifetime, when time comes for them to make sense of their life, I hope they will understand they needed protecting and forgive me for being inexperienced at the time and forgive me. I was loving them the best I could.❤

I’m unfortunately living back home with my narcissistic father and have a daughter of my own. He thinks he has some kind of right over her and it DISGUSTS ME. I’m Grey rocking and he’s admitted to hating me because of it! Your videos have helped me over this period of my life. I’ve cried knowing that my feelings are valid and IM NOT THE CRAZY ONE!! Thank you for everything you’ve done! Your words have helped me so much 💖

It's our role to protect our children's mental/emotional health all the while making sure we break unhealthy generational patterns. Without putting down the other parent, we can mitigate the damage and equip our children to recognize unhealthy patterns later in life. Teaching them boundary setting, accountability, and compassion, and modeling healthy behaviors is a good start. Later, age-appropriate general narcissism education is a must, though... I don't know about you, but I'm not raising a clueless princess. I'm raisin a narc-proof warrior. THIS stops here, with me.
Peace, strength and growth to all. ❤

I don't want my children to know for any of those reasons. I want them to know so they can PROTECT THEMSELVES! 7:15

My ex abused the children when they were too young to communicate. I caught him a few times so was afraid to leave him alone with them. Once they got old enough to report, he stopped and I could finally divorce. Narcissist fear consequences and especially exposure. They want everyone to like them while still being able to treat people like crap. Now his abuse is primarily emotional manipulation. He tries to make the kids feel sorry for him, as he once did me and so many others. He tries to make them feel like they owe him something when he does basically nothing for them. If you have to parallel parent with a narc, make sure you are countering the narc parent messaging. Make sure they know that they don't owe anybody anything just for being born. It's also important to own your bad behavior. I apologized to my children for the way I acted when I was married. I try not to talk about what he did. I just told them I was often sad but I was so grateful for them because they made me happy. Don't waste any more energy on the narcissist than you have to.

My kids are 16 and 24. What if they are asking why their Dad is the way he is? They’ve caught him in many lies…

The most difficult part is to protect the children and also most important. The parent doesn't really have any deep emotional connection with them.

Me personally.. after growing up not knowing that my mother was a narcissist and all the pain that I went through all those years... By not knowing who this person was and why this person was like they were why they were hurting me my own parent.. I think no matter who the person is, a child's parent a family member friend it is not okay to not make aware to our children who people are and what to look out for in life. Especially today, what kind of mother would I be if I diminished who a person really was everything about them to paint a picture that was not real, leaving them to figure out and find out for themselves. If only someone would have told me would have warned me would have helped me. They have to understand that people are not okay in this world no matter who they are they do need to be aware. It doesn't have to be in specific details but they need to know if a person is good or bad they need to be warned because they are our children and we are here to keep them safe and we are not here to just let them go in this world and have the pain that we have had because no one cared enough to tell us.

For years, I believed success in life was all about hard work and pushing myself. But Mind Decoding by Keezano showed me that true success begins with faith and mindset. When I aligned my subconscious beliefs with God’s plan, doors started opening in ways I never expected. Trusting in His wisdom and surrendering my struggles brought breakthroughs I had been chasing for years. I just wish I had read it earlier

Perfect timing of this video., so needed Thank you sincerely Dr Ramani for all that you do.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

These personality development problems are a major problem for us as individuals and humanity as a whole. The damage is actually worse than any plague or natural disaster. This is taking up valuable time and energy from all of us. This is a major spiritual disease. I see protection strategies. But humanity is mostly ignorant at this point. There was a time when bacteria and viruses weren't in the publics awareness. Doctors didn't even wash their hands between patients. We are now starting to understand narcissism, but it really isn't in the publics awareness at this point.

Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do!! ❤

I tried, ”I guess your Dad and I just make each other behave badly.” Not all that successful, because my oldest child was already taking over as father figure to and communicator to us for his younger brother. I found out about his fairly thorough knowledge of what was going on, when I was preparing to go to a shelter with both of them. The younger one was being abused and defending his father. He also wanted to live with his father, as he said, so he wouldn’t be lonely. His father mostly ignored him in favor of his older brother. It was heartbreaking. I ended up just saying, after the court case, where I had to put myself between them and the court as well as between them and the things their father was telling them by answering the questions they asked about the things he said about me (being really happy that they asked me) as honestly as I could. I also told them that neither of them were the man of the house, I was, and while they both had input in my decisions, I was the one who made those decisions. It was an awful time, but at least they had me as a target for their anger when it came and had each other enough, so they could argue with each other, in a reasonable way. 😏 I’m proud of my kids! They are both in their thirties and doing well. Neither of them have narcissistic traits. Both of them have empathy AND the ability to set boundaries, though my youngest struggled with it for a longer time than his older brother did.

I highly appreciate your teachings Dr. Although I strongly disagree that narcissistic abuse isn't violence. Domestic violence is physical and/OR mental harm done by a family memberyoulive with. Narcissistic abuse by a partner OR parent, is one of the most insidious and life- destroying psychological abuse. AKA: a form of extremely devastating domestic violence.
And someone capable of mentally break their partner and then blame and ridicule them, showing zero empathy, is not able to be a decent parent. They do not have the mental skills to be more good than bad for the children. I REALLY wish they did, believe me. But they cannot help it, and consistently hurt and harm the young minds.
My oldest child just opened up to me about the abuse they suffered from the narcissistic parent. It was almost identical to what I went through.
I regretted not leaving him years ago. This child is severely traumatized.
The kids are not at all spared from harm if we stay silent. I do not badmouth him. But I do NOT pretend that the abuse they tell me about is normal. But when I say "that's not normal, safe behavior from a parent. I'm so sorry. That's not okay." The kids sadly believe that I just say that to paint him as a bad man because 'Im bitter' (his words obviously, they're fed very insidious lies). So I try to tell them no, I am so glad any week you come here and tell me you had a good week with him. I don't want to change your opinion on him. I respect your relationship with him. I just do not want to defend his destructive behavior towards you anymore, because that would be me directly harming you.
It is SO hard. All I want is for me and the kids to be free.

Perfect timing posting this! Could you please speak more on the impact of the other parent on the children? The C-PTSD, especially when triggered, undoubtedly brings instability and feels so hopeless EVEN many years post-divorce and in separate households.

I can now breathe after listening to this it's difficult to bare the cross of being the bad parent when you are really the one trying to protect your kids and at the same time save yourself but they see you as the problem. Anger and outburst being in a narc relationship will make you seem crazy and solidify the narrative of you being toxic incompetent and lack control.

Thank you. 🙏🏼❤️This is something I’m grappling with every single day 🙏🏼

Thank you Dr. Ramani.🙏 I actually just had to share an article with the other co-parent (narcissistic, separated) to show him why it's not ok to comment on people's bodies. Whenever my daughter is alone with him he body-shames her and calls them "jokes". She's just 12. Even though separated, I have to hang around during her visits to dad just to protect her. I have full custody (thank goodness) but as long as my ex can act "acceptable " I'm ok cutting down on my weekend time to do my own chores to spend with them just so my daughter can see her dad but also feel protected. It's a shame really. Body-shaming is not the only issue. He plans outings or sports that she may not like or may be unsafe, and he doesn't give her a choice, even if she doesn't like to take part in it. If she refuses, he calls her lazy (in front of her uncle, aunt, cousin). I understand he didn't learn any better growing up, but it's like he just doesn't care. I've specifically asked him not to do these things many times. 😔

When my abuser would get physical with me in front of my son, I would be so fearful of losing my child, I gaslighted him. I told him that sometimes good people do bad things. But the truth is, good people don’t hurt others if they can help it. Meanwhile, the ex keeps telling my son, “you didn’t see that, it didn’t happen, your mother is crazy.” Now, my son has been diagnosed with psychosis from the ultimate control of his narc father.

This topic comes up with my friends and relatives too. As an adult, I've dropped friends and family because I cannot just stand by and watch them abuse each other or their kids.

Kids’ brain aren’t fully developed, so they wouldn’t have that kind of reasoning. They also still love both parents so they don’t want to have to choose sides. That’s a traumatic thing for the kids. It’s much better as she said, to empower them and model/mirror healthy, firm and secure boundaries for them. That’s actually more powerful because they can feel in their bodies the difference while also teaching them to think for themselves and being free to make their own choices, especially when choices aren’t exactly given by the other party.
It can be slow, but as she’s saying - the stark contrast over time (sometimes can be sooner than you think) becomes really obvious when the parents are physically separated

✋🏼🤨 Eh, hold on, NOPE!! When the child is old enough to start questioning why dad is so nasty to mom (or to them) or to where they're starting to be affected negatively, then tell them the TRUTH about THEIR narcissistic parent, and not some story in a book or about someone else. They have to understand that what they're experiencing/witnessing/hearing AT HOME is UNHEALTHY and NOT NORMAL. If you keep them in the dark about this then they'll gaslight themselves by default and normalize the unhealthy treatment in their minds setting them up for toxic relationships as adults because they won't know the damn signs and red flags to watch out for.
My mom never told me the truth about my father because she wanted to shelter us from the truth thinking it would be too much for us. She would allude to it through other people's situations but never say it straight about my father. It kept me in a state of CHRONIC CONFUSION and I ended up gaslighting myself into normalizing his rotten behavior thinking it was normal of smart brave leader-type men.👎🏼🚩🚩 What I really needed as a kid when I was 12 years old was for my mom to CONFIRM that what "I" was experiencing was NOT normal and that I wasn't crazy for thinking it was NOT normal. (So the result wouldn't be me gaslighting myself and rationalizing the bad behavior)
I ended up TRAPPED in 2 very toxic long term relationships with narcissistic men. The last one I'm unfortunately STILL married to and desperate to get out! Never would've happened if my mother would've told me the truth about my father and point out all the red flags so I could identify them as an adult. Instead I rationalized those red flags as character traits of strong intelligent men who I was gaslighted into believing they were somehow good leaders.🙄
Tell the TRUTH to your kids when they're ready and let them know that their narcissist parent's actions and behaviors are NOT THEIR FAULT OR YOURS. When they ask why the narc parent keeps doing it, let them know that the narc parent is not mentally well and educate your kids about the red flags and signs of narcissism (so they don't end up perpetuating a generational cycle of getting trapped into toxic relationships when they get older). 👉🏼TELL THE TRUTH BEFORE THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH TO START DATING!
And I've been listening to Dr. Ramani for well over a year every day and THIS is the one thing I disagree with over and over again because I have personal experience with not being properly informed about my narcissistic parent. Could have changed the trajectory of my whole life and broken that destructive generational cycle of getting trapped in toxic relationships had I known BEFORE I STARTED DATING. Same for all my brothers and sisters.

My daugther (20) recently ask me: Could it be that mum is narcisistic? - It was a relief...

Grief is grief; in post-narc abuse it's the gift that keeps on giving. There's a saying, the sins of the "fathers" are visited from generation to generation.

Thank you for brilliant observations and excellent advice dr Ramani ❤️

My mom did both. She talked horribly about my dad to me telling me about his affairs, how he was mean to her (we could see & hear that) and she was also his enabler saying how he was good father but he raged out, was never home and when he was he was not fun to be around. It was so confusing. She used us as a weapon and for protection while also saying we should treat him better making herself out to be the victim and his savior.

It should be harder to get married and easier to get divorced. Add mandatory mental screenings as well, most of these problems wouldn't exist.

I thought that maybe when my son gets older if he brings up something about how his dad treats him I could just tell him that he just doesn't have empathy. Right now my son is 5 and he absolutely loves his dad. I plan to follow the advice in the video even if it is difficult.

I wish I had but too late now, and I’ll carry the guilt forever, although leaving wasn’t really an option in my case. It’s not for everyone and no two cases should be compared 😢 It’s the subtle brainwashing and manipulation that’s so damaging and you only really ‘see’ it once they’re adults 😔

My grandchildren were traumatised not only by their narcissistic mother but also by her second husband. We have never badmouthed or spoken negatively about her to the children. Its been hard, but we reasoned, they would find out all by themselves , about her wrongdoings. Theres no point ruining their childhood any more than its already been ruined by their mother😢

My narcissistic mother killed my father at a young age with her bad behavior. She enables my siblings who treated my father the same way.

Is it okay when your child comes to you saying their narcissistic parent is treating them how they treat you? Speaking with that other parent about their behavior or anything that is said ends with arguments. My ex-husband literally had our children hating me. Each time they spend time with him, it takes days to get them back to a happy state.

Can anyone speak to issues that arise out of narcissitic siblings/sibling rivalry? It gets worse during elderly years. Split allegiences, isolation from this elderly single parent, and invalidation of the non-narcisst sibling which leads to more dysfunction and 100 percent control over the parent...even shaming and attempting protective orders based on out of context events and statements, lies designed to scare and defamation of character. Sibling rivalry narcissism needs to be discussed more. Affects 37% of the population!

Protecting kids from a narcissist parent means just to get a divorce ! The sooner, the better ! 😎

I wish someone would have protected me or at least helped me understand that I was being abused. It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s that I was told that the way I’d been treated was abusive and got treatment. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s that I was diagnosed with PTSD from it. And it wasn’t until I was in my 60’s that I learned about C-PTSD. All the diagnoses and treatments weren’t as helpful as learning self-compassion has been, but I think I wasn’t capable of understanding its value until I worked through a lot of my past.

If both parents narcissicists and you are their chosen punching bag for anything and everything.....life is a living hell and especially if you have no one to talk to. The trauma never leaves you no matter how old you get.

Thank you again Dr Ramani. This is such and under discussed topic. And you are right it's a coin toss, you can be a good enough parent and do all these things you've mentioned here, and parent as well as possible in spite of the abuse and triangulation and character assassination going on to your child about you, and the child might see them semi clearly but still side with them against you fully. Heart wrenching. And the worst is to watch your child follow in their footsteps taking on their behaviors, and eventually becoming the child's personality too, like a mini me of the narcissistic parent. Gut wrenching to witness your brought compassionate caring child torn into manipulating man passive aggressive self absorbed adult who thinks they are better than everyone and yet the victim of your "bad parenting". The abandoning of their real self for the hope of one day securing some sense of real connection with the narcissistic parent is devastating to witness

My son is far better at holding boundaries than i am

They’re all in a dark crazy place together

My son saw all of it. When I left his dad, he even repeated often, “My mommy left my daddy because my daddy is mean to my mommy.” He noticed this independently on his own, and he was 5 at the time. Now he’s almost 6 and I have gone no contact. My son will not be raised by such a boy who cannot even provide for or support himself, let alone children. I have tried to reiterate to my son that my relationship with his dad is irrelevant to him, and then I ask how his dad treats him while letting him know that's what he should focus on. It's been hard explaining why I had to go no contact, though.

My therapist and I are working on this right now. I keep blaming myself for the damage they have suffered.

I am a failure in this area. I don't condone for the 4 children I share with him to disrespect him, however all of them are grown now with the oldest 32 years, 30, 28, and 26. He got custody in 2005, and our first born was born in Nov 1992. He has ruined all mother/child relationships and its all over money. Money that a stay at home mom for 10 years out of that 13 year marriage never had a career, because she was busy maintaining the home, breastfeeding each child for one year or more (basically until I was pregnant again), cooking, cleaning both inside and outside. I would shovel the snow out to the main road, so that my ex-spouse could sleep longer and be more alert for his postal job. Today I let my grown children talk freely, (so my two youngest daughters have nothing to do with me), they believe their Dad and he has always made them pick sides. My son expresses so much and he feels like his Dad never wanted him. My daughter seems to do whatever she can just to have both parents and she expresses that to me. I was molested by my Dad, and physically abuse too, and so my children's dad has told them that I am like my Dad, and my children can't see that the cycle of abuse only continued when I married their Dad in 1991. He moved quickly then, met me at Cochise College in Jan of 1991 on the day War broke, asked me to marry him by March and we married by 27 July 1991. I was the idiot and then my strict religious beliefs kept me to him for 13 years. I blame myself now more than ever. I'm tired...my health went to hell too. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2013. My breathing problems started in 2016 and so my lungs are monitored for the nodules and ground glass opacities and I never smoked. I fall asleep at the worst times, and after exiting the Army in 2011, I went back to work at the School district and my 4th grade student kept waking me up...(I was working with disabled children), I resigned for the best interest of those disabled students. I will say, when my ex-spouse removed me...I was working at school and all those students Hugs filled in for losing the hugs of my own. I have had to regulate my emotions now for decades...I'm not a s(aint) either....ayyy I have flipped into reactive abuse and I was not aware of my own strength...I'm so tired of the psychological abuse...and let me tell you...physical abuse is bad, but the Narcissist's psychological abuse is the worst. For him to take my children from me...and hold me to pay child support without any relationship HURTS! He killed me and defamed my character to our four. While I had custody from separation 23 May 2003 to Nov of 2005, all he helped with was $15, 667.33 and he was enforced and withheld because he refused to pay in the beginning and made a promise to give me to have custody of all four if I forgave him for the $14,569.80 he owed me still, which was agreed upon, on the day the divorce decree was done by his attorney and she left that amount out that he owed me, so it's considered prior divorce agreement and he got away with never paying me. Then he married his 4th wife and breached the contract he made with me, when he asked me to give him a clean slate with his 4th wife. I have paid over $97,000.00 to him and he tells our four I'm a deadbeat mother. I save every payment just to prove...it's sad that I even have to prove myself. I still currently owe my ex-spouse $48,000.00 in child support arrearages, and my military disability is garnished at $578.00 per month. I live very minimal compared to the luxurious life my ex-spouse has lived and lives. I have always been poor, raised in poverty with my immigrant Dad, only to marry the devil who has taken EVERYTHING, to include my financial way to survive. Again Thank you Dr. Romani for your videos, my VA has helped me, and my doctor documented me with PTSD from spousal abuse, from the only spouse I have ever had and is the Dad of the only four children I gave birth to. My ex-spouse divorced his 5th wife in 2013, he hasn't remarried since, just dates.

My mom constantly projects her difficulties and issues with my dad onto me, and expects me to always be there to support her when he’s mean to her. I am learning to say no and express that it’s too hard on me and maybe a counsellor could help her. But she won’t get help and gets mad at me for exerting boundaries. What else can I do?

Great talk, Doctor
💜💛💚💙

Dr. Ramani, could you also let us know what is the best decision for our kids from narcissistic grandparent and enabler relatives?
I cut the relationship with my narcissistic and toxic family and I don't know what to tell my kids when they grow up about their grandparents. They are alive, I can't tell them they are dead. And when the time comes they ask me why we don't see them, I honestly don't know what could be the wise way to anwer.

I'm 39 and need to get my inner child to stop waiting for my father to stop enabling the drinking and the behavior. And all the bs. But that will never happen. That's why my focus is on getting healthy enough to move out. Which is taking many years because my ptsd manifested in lots of different chronic illnesses.

The child has had a mantra since 12yrs old ‘it’s not my fault, I did nothing wrong’ and still uses it 5 yrs later.

my kid told ME in his own very sad way that he understood his mom was incredibly rageful. I didnt have to explain a thing. and he is 7

Family Court makes an impossible to actually be there for your kid. In my situation family court has told me to tell the narcissist anytime my son says something concerning. But all that's teaching him is that he doesn't have a safe person to talk to. So I have to cut him off and tell him to talk to a therapist and not tell me anything so I don't have to tell his Dad. #Motherswithoutchildrenchildrenwithoutmothers
#Familycourt
#Kaydenslaw

Oh they will eventually see it it may take them until their old enough to return enough to figure out what’s going on but sadly they will see it unless they are one themselves then maybe
They will refuse to see it 😊

The worst part, for me, is the shame and guilt I feel over my kids being affected by my mental instability, caused by a decade of that relationship and the aftermath. My life, and myself, are in shambles and all I want is to take care of my kids and be all I can be for them. That's what keeps me up sobbing at night.

😭😭 its so hard i feel ashamed i put us through this

Timestamps (Powered by Merlin AI)
00:04 - Coping with a narcissistic co-parent requires careful communication with children.
02:28 - Narcissistic parents create cognitive dissonance in children, causing guilt and divided loyalties.
07:32 - Helping children cope with a narcissistic parent's behavior is crucial.
09:56 - Navigating co-parenting with a narcissistic partner impacts children's mental health.
14:54 - Navigating the challenges of parenting with a narcissistic co-parent.
17:20 - Protecting kids from a narcissistic parent involves understanding and resilience.
21:37 - Embrace your child's uniqueness despite challenges from a narcissistic co-parent.
23:29 - Understanding the impact of a narcissistic parent on children.
27:36 - Children of narcissistic parents suffer from confusion and emotional turmoil.
29:52 - Therapy and acceptance strategies can help children of narcissistic parents.
34:08 - Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic parenting benefits children’s emotional health.
36:04 - Protecting children from narcissistic family influences is crucial.
40:00 - Help children navigate interactions with narcissistic family members.
41:55 - Support your kids in understanding toxic behaviors without labeling them.
46:14 - Understanding the impact of narcissism on children.

Thank you so so so sooooooo much!!! ❤👍

Tightrope walking with 4 kids, known about it for 4 years, stay at home mom learning new skills now for workforce, hot flashes, sleep issues and wouldn’t you know a newly arising autoimmune. Can’t wait until they are adults and I can unwind it all for them.

Christine Albright
BRILLIANT VIDIO 🙏...
THANK YOU🌹...

Love the new profile picture for the channel!

Does this still apply after the "child" is now an adult? I struggle with this question around the fact that their "view" will be shattered if they knew the truth.

Can you do a video for protecting nieces and nephews from their narcissistic parents and grandparents, as someone who was scapegoated and outed by their parents and grandparents

I have an issue with my narcissist sister. My kids, (grown and on their own) understand what is going on and we have moved away and cut most ties, but her children are struggling and don't understand why I don't intevene to "save" their mom. (I have spent most of my adult life trying to, until I came here and figured out why my support was not working). Now I see her children struggling to do what I know will not work. Because I have tried it all. I hate to see them ruin their lives over devoting much energy to their addicted, covert narc mom. They both suffer from anxiety disorders and struggle to function on their own. 😥 I have tried to be there for them, but I feel there is a limit to what I can say. She has told them things about me that are untrue, however, since I have had a strong relationship with them (since I rescued them as much as I could while they were young) they still maintain a good relationship with me through text/calls. I know I am not reponsible for them, but I wish there was something I could do to help her kids.

My 18 yr old son sees the brunt of the narcissistic parent on a regular basis as well. Talking to him about the personality disorder and helping him learn about it (I think) helps explain this to him in that he doesn’t have to feel guilty over things he can not control. We are ending the relationship (the narcissist and I) partly because I started to see some resentment from my son, likely over my husband’s treatment toward me, and that I kept putting up with it. Unfortunately, it did affect me, and I took no action or talked about it openly until now. I’m working toward healing that resentment now and hope there’s a healthy way to do that by showing him how you’re supposed to handle the mistreatment. I also believe it will help him detect these personality traits as a red flag in future relationships for him.

i am the youngest, if that's relavant, i find the narcissistic parent a tries to play the children against each other? wow

How do I answer my 7yo when they ask why their other parent doesn't like them?

Hi, I was wondering...have you talking about phone calls? My parents don't call me. It was (thankfully) the end of my relationship with my father. Now I am distancing myself away from my mother. She rarely calls. What is that about? Ego, pride, "stooping" or something?

When they become adults or young adults I believe by that point there's no other way. But the damage has been done with years of .... every child has their own version even if I was broken down and traumatized at one point in the mess.

Yes these were the worse of it as they got everything from the Narcissist parent. The tactics to gaslight and abuse me goes on. Just different scenarios and always ends in the same results. Taking a tragedy that just happened in which my Daughter here just lost her daughter who died in daycare and my granddaughter I babysat weekly. Horrible tragic nightmare and I'm grieving too for the loss of my granddaughter who loved her grandma and watching this daughter devastated. But sure enough everyone ran down here which was great but the old dynamics also played out too. Taking a tragic event and once again gaslighting Mom and grandma. Friend of the family that was involved years ago played out the old dynamics. Flying monkeys and smear campaigns. I spoke up and defended myself and by doing so was completely screamed at as keeping my mouth shut, staying in my unhealthy place and being the same old scapegoated role is what was expected. Healthy me is not.

"Your poor mother had a hard childhood."

I tried. He took her to a different country. No help from authorities. Haven’t spoke with her since 2019. She had a spot in his closet. She will be 18 in March.

I’m living with my ex but it’s to the point where I want to leave my 2 younger children with him and leave with my oldest son. I’m trying so hard to stick it out bc it’s not safe to leave my child alone with him. But I have no one outside myself. I feel trapped and the only way out of this is to leave with my son.

I want to tell my child some things about the narcissistic co-parent so she doesn't feel alone when she has to deal with her mother's behavior. I'm only with her half of her childhood, now. I do my best in that time to prepare her for the other half of her childhood I'm not present.

I think there’s a term for not telling a child another person is a predator, particularly when it could save their life, but then having a platform that is entrenched in predatory behavior: H.Y.P.O.C.R.A.C.Y. Or vanity? Or minimization?😂😂😂
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{psychopathy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you for this. Very helpful and insightful on such a difficult yet important topic ❤ Can you focus a future video on the phenomenon of reactive abuse? For example, the way gray rocking can be portrayed as the silent treatment, sticking to your story can be portrayed as gaslighting (if the narcissist partner insists you’re wrong), pointing out all the harm they do and their hypocrisy can look like DARVO-ing and verbal abuse. And, of course, on extreme ends, the abuser will push their victims to their limit until the victims lash out emotionally, which the narcissist can use as evidence of abuse. I think many people, myself included, can get stuck in these toxic relationships because their partners convince them that they are the abusers and they are the problem, as it’s so hard to discern who the sheep is in a relationship, and who is the wolf in disguise.

My son has the similar opinion on grandparents than I had in his age.
It's cool to telling him that his opinion is correct.They are mixing, faking facts,switching their personalities,jumping into others roles...cause they don't have a fix self as they are hiding in their lives just as many people without consciousness cause they are afraid of seeing the whole picture.
We see them rarely.

Are these guys and women even mentally mature? How do they live like that…these people are relentless

This video is making it ok for the narcissist to be the narcissist and you and your kid or kids just deal with it!! Smh just like people grow up and end up marrying a narcissist ... because their parents or parent were a narcissists and its familiar to them and they are comfortable! Best to learn young in a safe environment so it won't repeat in a unsafe environment!!!!

I used the word healthy in the live stream instead of kind. I usually say kind because it feels more right. That just having one kind person around could give strength. I think the reason I'd rather put kind than healthy is because a loved one who suffered with a mental illness... I felt strength being around her as well. I think it's a more than one thing can be true at the same time. Strength at times.

WOAH!!!! FULL STOP!!! - What makes you think your child doesn't already see the abuse your partner puts you through? Granted life happens and one may need to find alternate words to explain things, but if the your child is coming to you and asking questions, then maybe that child has the capacity to understand.
My own mom may have tried to protect me, but she was a target of my step fathers abuses just as much as my sibs and I, and no, she didn't agree with his 'tactics'. Terrorizing little kids to clean up a mess adults made cause 'CPS' wants the house clean was never a good way to run a house.
Edit to add: When CPS finally took us kids from the home, I should have been given that choice. Had i known then what I know now, I would have taken on more of my own responsibilities, namely cutting contact with known narcissists.

Our son is no 24 hours old and I already had to look up your RUclips channel.

What to do about adult children?

Dr Ramani, I asked in the last video, but once more just in case: Will you please review Insider's recent interview with a sociopath? She says some really alluring things that pull on our heart strings when it comes to childhood hurt feelings for those who had overbearing parents who put their own feelings into things. But I know that parents NEED to teach children how to have healthy empathy and you do it by modeling. She's glorifying not having any at all. And people are practically throwing roses at her... probably because she's beautiful which I'm OK with but this is the human way: Beautiful people speak and the fickle masses follow. Pied piper stuff. Meanwhile, she literally admitted to needing her cup filled by the misery of others.
I'm at a loss.

My kids did not have a chance.

In my case he was significantly worse to the kids than to me. Although he was a torture chamber for me too. Our kids started seeing who he was in preschool. I tried so hard for years to protect their innocence and smooth it over. I can see now that I was the only thing holding it together. They started asking to leave him at 3 and 5. I was too scared because of the violence and repeated threats. It's so disgusting and heartbreaking. The threats of children being harmed hold SO many people (especially women) in absolutely horrible situations. You try to make the best of it and create happy childhood memories and teach ethics and kindness while a mean angry adult toddler comes in and destroys over and over. The really messed up part it he says it was all FUN for him, because I believed in him. Our trauma was FUN for him. Now of course it's all magically my fault that the kids don't want to deal with him. As if I have some kind of magical memory wipe I could do and change the entire history. Children are not property. If they ARE property then we are enslaving children. Are children slaves? They should have individual rights and freedom, safe spaces to go live if their parents aren't well. By CHOICE. Their choice. The fact that we don't offer that as a society as a huge part of what a mess we are as a culture.

I have a question. I wonder if it is possible for multiple pregnancy’s or miscarriages to trigger narcissism? I know pregnancy can change the brain, but could it possibly trigger narcissism from the shrinking emotional control centers that happens during pregnancy?
I ask because my boyfriend and his ex wife had 7 miscarriages and one healthy baby girl.
He said she was never as full of rage as she is now and it all started after the first few miscarriages. He said she started to have those rage fits and started becoming physically abusive, which she never seemed capable of before. However I have heard from other people who grew up with her, that she was always an “alpha female” and always felt like the “world owed her everything” and she would throw a fit if others didn’t think the same.
So I guess I’m wondering if the miscarriages created such turmoil in her that she couldn’t handle hiding behind the mask anymore, or if PPD might have triggered something in her?
Because if not, she seems to have been able to mask it for 7-8 years or so of being with him before things got bad, which in my mind seems pretty impressive, unless she WAS actually somewhat normal in the beginning of the relationship. I’ve never experienced a narc masking that long, but perhaps it does happen?
If anyone has any insight, I would love to hear it.

What if you have already made some of these mistakes? How do we correct it?

Thanks

I need help dr.ramani.... i dont know how to say no to people... i just cant do it when i am in the moment...and i do it at my own expense....to the point my health is bad and i still dont value myself enough... and also if i cant do something perfectly i just avoid it, so my life is going nowhere....i just need some help😢

So true.